Ah, that dreaded Wednesday in the season when you look up the teams for the weekend and see your name right at the top of the page. Your captain should have confirmed with you that you can do teas beforehand – if not and you absolutely cant do them that weekend, you need to let them know as soon as possible or you there will be 21 angry and hungry cricketers come 4pm on Saturday.

Budget - £45. Don’t worry, you will get this back after the game! Please ensure that you spend all of this budget though, as the teas need to go round 22 ravenous players, umpires, scorers and the occasional peckish supporter…

When should the teas be ready? Best to have them ready for 3pm to cover the inevitable occasion when a Bentley team is bowled out cheaply in the first innings. We have fridges and storage in the pavilion for both squares, so most people make the teas up before the match and then leave them on the trays provided by the club covered in cling film so that they are ready to go out onto the tea tables at a moments notice.

What do I need to do before the game? As mentioned above, unless you have a willing/gullible family member on hand it’s probably best to do the teas before the game as it’s quite hard to do them when you are fielding. You also need to make up squash for the drinks break (squash and jugs are in the kitchen).

Requirements
- A good cup of tea is vital. Teabags are provided by the club, but you will need to include a couple of pints of milk in your £45 budget. Flick both kettles on straight after the conclusion of the first innings, throw some teabags into the big pot, arrange 20 or so mugs at the hatch, and everything should be ready for when the players come in.
- On a hot day, it's best to make up another jug of squash as well.
- The staple of any good tea is a variety of sandwiches. You can get as daring as you like with the fillings, but its usually best to do at least 4 or 5 loaves (mixed white and brown), and cut them into triangular quarters. Popular fillings include egg mayo, cheese/ham and pickle/onion/salad and chicken roll, but the canvas is yours – if you fancy making your signature coronation chicken or pulled pork, then don’t let us stop you! Advice from someone that has made this mistake before – don’t forget the butter when you do the big shop!
- Whenever U15s play games, the sandwiches are normally bypassed and they will generally head straight to the cakes and chocolate. 4 or 5 different varieties are fine, anything from Mr Kipling slices to Penguins to muffins to full on sponge cakes. Homemade cakes very much encouraged.
- Either in a bowl or just simply a multipack or two of individual bags, crisps are an easy and cheap way to bulk out your tea.
- Aside from that, its very much up to you. Savoury items, like pork pies, mini sausages, savoury eggs or generally anything you might have at a picnic are always well received. In the end, anything that is easy to put out and doesn’t take much clearing up is usually good – fruit, cookies, pizza (hot or cold), pasta, quiches and scones are all seen at various points throughout the season. A couple of things out of the ordinary will always make you the toast of the club.

What do I need to do after the game? Most cricketers are well versed in the post tea ritual – rubbish goes in the bin, plate and mug goes in the dishwasher. However, some are pigs that were never taught manners by their parents and will leave items strewn all over the place. Unfortunately, this falls on the tea person to clear up. Feel free to admonish/hoof in the shins any player you see leaving stuff out. Once that is done, the players should clear out, suitably filled, to go and play again. All you need to do now is clear away the tea trays and give them a quick rinse for next week. If there are any leftovers, pop them onto one tray and clingfilm them for people to pick at through the rest of the day. Make up an orange juice jug for the second innings drinks break and put it in the fridge.

If all the rubbish is in the bin, the trays are away and the crockery is clean and out of the dishwasher, then you are all done. Bask in the glory of the wonderful feast that you have just provided. Once match fees have been collected at the end of the game, you will be reimbursed your £45.