Were this not a public forum and were these private comments I would make mention that the opposition were boorish and cheated and that the umpiring was incompetent. This text however appears under the auspices of Cookridge Cricket Club, a club I am, somewhat against my cynical principles, surprisingly proud of. It may also be read by upwards of two non-Cookridge members therefore the focus must turn to more idiosyncratic Dales Council matters such as the correct identification of mutant turtles and the appearance of amphibians within the shoes of vegetarians.

Neil won a toss, something he didn’t want to do as his preference for a bowl appeared diametrically opposed to the majority who wanted a bat. The bats carried the day thus Zahear and Neil strapped on to face the visitors from the Moor. During the early part of his innings Neil was going at a run a ball (1 off 1) but despite this the shackles were gradually applied by disciplined opening spells. Even the customary walk round the boundary ‘to get things moving’ only had a limited impact – there is no such things as the mockers.

The score had progressed to 32 without alarm before Neil edged behind to the keeper and walked off without waiting for the umpire’s decision. By walking off Neil thereby assumed the moral high ground though given what later transpired he may well have regretted his decision. Dom at three, he of the be-frogged spikes (top tip - don’t leave your shoes in the changing room for a week) and together with Z he looked to lay a platform from which the middle order could take off.

78-1 at drinks became 94-1 shortly thereafter, thus sending a chill through the bench as this was the point at which everything went wrong last week. No such alarms this week however – there is no such thing as the mockers - as Z progressed to 45 before he walked past one and was stumped. The score was 111, remember, there is no such thing as the mockers.

Waqas at 4 and he was there as Dom crunched a square cut to bring up a deserved half century before being caught and bowled shortly thereafter. He was also there when Qasim departed, albeit this was only one ball later as Mahmood delivered a perfect yorker first up. Colin survived the hat trick ball and then together with Waqas began to take advantage of the visitors tiring attack. Waqas, who everyone agreed was not in great form (!) moved to thirty at about a run a ball before rediscovering his form by depositing various cricket balls into various gardens, the last of his sixes almost clearing the trees at the houses end! He eventually got to 87 before he too was stumped.

There were just enough balls left for Colin to bring up the third fifty of the innings (58 off 34) and the second to reach his milestone with a big edge to third man and also for Jake to bring the third 2 of the innings (2 off 2). The Wallabies finished on an impressive 275-5 with just about 200 hundred coming off the last 20.

No prizes for guessing the Bradford Moor approach to the chase but it started in the worst possible fashion for them as Cap’n Oates picked up an LBW in the first over before a run had been scored. The batsman hung around for a while before Wilson gave him some feedback and invited him to depart, this had the knock on effect of opening a dialogue between the fast bowler and the opposition bench which continued before, after and indeed during his spell.

The wicket apart Colin’s first over was a quiet affair, less so Rob Holmes’ from the other end which featured Neil scrabbling around, a couple of half trackers, a play and miss and a massive six over long off. This somewhat set the tone for an evening of all action cricket. Proper batsman Naveed in at three and the left hander was content to play second fiddle to opener Adil who was content to blaze away and smash it to all parts. There was always the hope that he would hit one in the air to, instead of over or just past, a fielder - although given the quality of the ground fielding displayed to this point it was unlikely to be held onto.

Naveed on the other hand we never really looked like getting out, as he hasn’t on the last two occasions we’ve played them but on both of those occasions he’s managed to run himself out and it looked for all the world like he’d repeated the trick again. Waqas hurled the ball from short fine leg to the bowlers end to try and prevent a single. Bowler Wells, partly tactically and partly out of self preservation decided to let the ball through knowing that Colin was backing up behind and any attempted overthrow runs would be at best risky. Sure enough the run was attempted, the ball returned, the wickets broken and somewhat to everyone’s astonishment the appeal was denied. The same batsman also appeared to get away with one as a caught behind off Mark was not given.

The Bees arrived at this point to watch the fun / eat the remaining tea having come up with some cock and bull story about there being no decent tea during their brief visit to Caribbeans. It was more likely that they just had the munchies.

They arrived in time to see the break though made as Wells, whose spell last week (0-0-0-0) had clearly impressed the skipper leading to an early bowl this time round, finally induced a miss hit that was pouched by Colin at long on. 115-2 of which Adil had about 70. No change in approach from the opener as he progressed to 99 before, to everyone’s surprise, he half heartedly poked at one giving Wells his second wicket via a straight forward caught and bowled. 158-3 which was 166-3 at drinks leaving the visitors worm slightly above that of the hosts(!) but the Wallabies sensed said worm was turning.

Kerfoot for Wilson at the airport end and Waqas for Wells at t’other. Ray K kept it tighter than anyone but it was the spinner who had an immediate impact, picking up two wickets in his first over bowling both 5 and 6 to make it 181-6 and the visitors still needing another 95. A few more boundaries came before Kerf began his over with a slower ball which completely defeated Abbas and cannoned into the middle peg. 194-7.

With big hitting Amin still prowling the boundary it was Khan who was sent in to accompany set batsman Banares who had had very much a watching brief for the majority of his innings. The game entered a bit of a lull before Skippy took a leg side catch standing up to Waqas, full off the face I might add to dismiss the set man for 27, 212-7. Still no Amin so it was the triangular Mahmood who joined Owais.
He didn’t join him for long however as the ball was flicked into the leg side where Foggitt slid in, opened his instep and coolly laid the ball into the path of Kerfoot who picked it up and threw it to the skipper to complete the run out, 216-8 and for the first time in a while the Wallabies were ahead. In came Amin, out went the field. In previous encounters he has had the good grace to get out before he’s got in thereby sparing damage to both the scoreboard and surrounding houses. Unfortunately on this occasion it was not to be the case as a couple of lusty blows re-invigorated the chase.

The chance would surely come and so it did off Kerfoot’s bowling. Waqas settled under the ball at long on, looking cool as a cucumber and never looking like he would drop it - right up to the point that he dropped it. Encouraged by the let off Amin carried on clearing the fence. Just when it looked as though hope was lost Mahmood took the unusual option of trying to head one of Kerfoot’s cutters down to fine leg. He was forced from the field of play meaning last man Ebrahim joined Amin.

Foggitt could only get a hand to a chance as the last pair managed to get the visitors up to level scores as Holmes commenced what would surely be the final over. First ball, big swing, massive noise and Bonnington moving smartly in front of where proper teams have a third slip held onto the ball. The batsman didn’t move and crucially neither did the umpire. Neil did move however and also said some naughty words. Amin hit the next ball for six ending on 41 from 16. Hands were shaken, umpires and opposition beat a hasty retreat and Neil may or may not have calmed down in time for next week’s game at Baildon.